How I Built a Skill I Used to Dread

For as long as I can remember, there was one skill I couldn’t stand. Every time I faced it, I felt a knot in my stomach, a tightening in my chest, a wave of anxiety and dread. I avoided it whenever possible, convinced it just wasn’t for me.

But life has a way of bringing us face to face with the very things we’d rather avoid. Whether it’s public speaking, writing, or learning a new language, the skills we dread often become the ones we can’t escape. And that was exactly what happened to me.

Here’s how I went from avoiding a dreaded skill to not only learning it but actually embracing it — and what the process taught me about discomfort, persistence, and surprising myself.

1. Identifying Why I Dreaded It
Before I could tackle the skill, I had to figure out why I dreaded it so much. Was it because I genuinely disliked the activity, or was it something deeper?

Fear of Failure: I realized that a big part of my resistance was rooted in fear of looking incompetent or making mistakes.

Past Negative Experiences: The few times I had attempted the skill, I felt awkward, embarrassed, and painfully self-conscious. Those memories lingered, reinforcing the idea that I just wasn’t “good at it.”

Perfectionism: I wanted to be good at it immediately, without the discomfort of stumbling through the learning process. The thought of starting as a beginner felt daunting.

Recognizing these underlying fears helped me see that my dread wasn’t about the skill itself — it was about my fear of being bad at it. And that was a game changer.

2. Reframing the Skill as a Challenge, Not a Chore
For years, I framed the skill as something I had to do, not something I wanted to do. It felt like a punishment, a reminder of my inadequacies.

Reframing as a Challenge: Instead of seeing it as an obligation, I began to frame it as a personal challenge — an opportunity to prove to myself that I could do hard things.

Setting Small, Attainable Goals: Rather than aiming for mastery, I set tiny, achievable goals:

Spend 10 minutes practicing each day.

Watch one tutorial video per week.

Complete a small, low-stakes project.

Celebrating Progress: Each time I completed a small task, I celebrated the effort, not the outcome. This shifted my focus from perfection to progress and made the learning process feel less intimidating.

By reframing the skill as a series of small challenges rather than a monumental task, I felt less overwhelmed and more motivated to keep going.

3. Breaking It Down Into Bite-Sized Pieces
Part of my dread came from seeing the skill as a huge, insurmountable mountain. The entire thing felt overwhelming, impossible, and far beyond my reach.

Chunking the Skill: Instead of trying to tackle it all at once, I broke it down into manageable chunks:

Learn the basics first.

Master one technique at a time.

Focus on small, repeatable tasks.

Creating a Learning Plan: I mapped out a step-by-step plan, each step building on the previous one. This not only made the skill feel more approachable but also gave me a clear sense of direction.

Tracking Progress: Each time I completed a small step, I checked it off the list, reinforcing the sense that I was making progress, even if it was slow.

Instead of feeling overwhelmed by the enormity of the skill, I started to see it as a series of smaller, manageable pieces — each one a mini victory in its own right.

4. Finding Resources and Support
One of the reasons I dreaded the skill was because I felt completely lost and underprepared. I had no idea where to start or how to improve.

Finding Quality Resources: I researched and found resources that were beginner-friendly and accessible — online courses, tutorials, and instructional videos tailored to my skill level.

Joining a Community: I joined a group of people who were also learning the skill. Being around others who were struggling, practicing, and celebrating small wins made me feel less alone and more motivated to keep going.

Seeking Feedback: I asked for feedback from people who were more experienced. Instead of seeing feedback as criticism, I started to view it as a roadmap for improvement.

Having resources, support, and feedback made the learning process less intimidating and more structured, giving me a sense of direction and accountability.

5. Embracing Discomfort and Reframing Failure
Learning something you dread is uncomfortable, awkward, and often deeply frustrating. There were days when I wanted to quit, convinced that I was just too terrible to improve.

Embracing the Beginner’s Mindset: I reminded myself that being bad at something is the first step to getting good at it. Every mistake, every misstep, every embarrassing moment was part of the process.

Redefining Failure: Instead of seeing failure as a sign that I wasn’t good enough, I started to view it as evidence that I was trying, practicing, and putting in the effort.

Practicing Self-Compassion: When I stumbled, I reframed my self-talk:

Instead of “I’m terrible at this,” I said, “I’m learning, and that’s why it feels hard.”

Instead of “I’ll never get it,” I said, “I’m getting a little better each time.”

The discomfort didn’t go away — but I learned to sit with it, move through it, and see it as a sign of growth rather than a reason to quit.

6. Reflecting on Progress and Celebrating Wins
After months of practice, the skill that once felt impossible began to feel a little more natural, a little less daunting.

Looking Back on Day One: I took a moment to reflect on where I started — how confused, overwhelmed, and intimidated I felt in those early days.

Recognizing Milestones: I celebrated small victories, like completing a project, mastering a technique, or receiving positive feedback.

Embracing the Ongoing Journey: I realized that I still had a lot to learn, but that no longer felt discouraging. It felt exciting — a reminder that growth is a lifelong journey, not a destination.

What I Learned From Tackling a Dreaded Skill
Looking back, the skill that once filled me with dread is now something I feel proud to practice. Not because I’ve mastered it — I haven’t. But because I stuck with it, pushed through the discomfort, and surprised myself with what I was capable of.

I learned that fear of failure isn’t a reason to avoid something — it’s a reason to try it.

I discovered that breaking a big, intimidating skill into small, manageable pieces makes it feel less daunting and more achievable.

I realized that learning is less about being naturally good at something and more about showing up consistently, embracing mistakes, and celebrating small wins.

Most importantly, I learned that the things we dread are often the things that teach us the most — about ourselves, about our strengths, and about what we’re capable of when we’re willing to try, fail, and try again.

The Takeaway: Lean Into the Discomfort
The skill that once felt impossible now feels like a source of pride, not because I’m great at it but because I showed up, did the work, and kept going despite the discomfort.

If there’s a skill you’re dreading, consider leaning into it — not to master it overnight, but to prove to yourself that you’re capable of facing what scares you, taking small steps forward, and surprising yourself with what you can achieve.

Because the real lesson isn’t just about building a skill. It’s about building the courage to try, the resilience to persist, and the openness to learn and grow, one imperfect step at a time.